Parenting Funny

If this only worked in real life...

Mom Code Monday: Before I Was a Mom

I saw this on Facebook and thought I'd share because it's so true:
Before I was a Mom -
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom -
I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on - Pooped on - Spit on - Chewed on, or Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and My thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests...or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom -
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life
so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known The warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

Sunday Confessional: 8/25/13

I first must confess that I have been lazy and haven't updated in a while mostly because I don't want to sit down and type something out.

The other thing I must confess is this: 

I was just putting some pizza away from tonight and wrapping it in Cling Wrap.  It reminded me how frustrating Cling Wrap is.  I seriously hate it, yet continue to buy it.  All it does is cling to itself.  I even bought the Cling Wrap brand to make sure it would really cling.  Wrong!  It doesn't matter, the stuff only sticks to itself, not my pan. 

I'm going to wrap everything in tin foil, that'll work better!

Kidisms

Kids really do say the darnest things and their perception of things can create those phrases.

Today my almost three year old was on a roll.  While in the tub, a Beauty and the Beast song came onto Pandora and he asked if it was something else.  We told him that it was Beauty and the Beast, so he starts talking about it and says, "Booty and the Girls."  I have no idea where the girls part came from but we decided it sounded like the porno version of Beauty and the Beast. Haha

While walking out of Target today he also announced that he wanted to go to Scheel's (which is in the same strip mall as our Target).  When I asked him why he thought we needed to go to Scheel's he said something about needing to go to Scheel's so he could get a shield and be a knight.  "I always want to be a knight." 

Earlier in the week he was sitting and eating his snack while talking my ear off.  He told me, "You putting the Mickey Mouse bandalaids in your bathroom is SO frustrating. It makes my tummy want to hurt."

I can't wait to hear what he says next!

Thoughtlessness

Yesterday I was at Walmart and had to stop to let my son get off of the cart.  The man pushing a cart behind me stopped as well (checking his list or something, I was trying not to look at him and seem like a weirdo) when another older man came up to him.  

He shook his hand and asked him where he served.  (I was listening at this point but still trying to not "pay attention" to them and focus on my son.  I feel drawn to anything military since we started our life in the military world.) The younger guy answered,"Iraq."  "Oh how was it over there, come back with any spooks?" 

The younger guy just kind of mumbled something about nothing and it was ok over there.  Then the older man walked away and the younger man started walking in front of us. I looked at him to try and figure out how the older man knew that he had served, and noticed the word Veteran on the back of his hat.

I was dumbfounded and a little sick to my stomach over what I heard.  I almost said something to the younger man about how I was sorry and some people just don't understand common courtesy, but my mind is more outspoken than my mouth.

I couldn't get that picture out of my head all day though.  Why would you think that it was ok to say that to someone?  I know with him being older that obviously times were different growing up, but still.  What if that man suffered some horrible mental and/or physical damage over in Iraq?  What if he lost his best friend right before his eyes?  What if he took fire himself and feared for his life?  What if he took the life of another to protect himself and those serving next to him?  What if that one comment is the thing that sends him over the edge of his PTSD?  How could the older man be so thoughtless to ask such a question? 

Please humanity, use your brain before you open your mouth because that one thing that you just said could make or break a person.

To the younger man that walked away after that encounter: I'm sorry that people are so thoughtless when it comes to something so personal. I'm sorry that you had to endure such an awkward conversation.  I can't imagine what you went through over there, but thank you.

Sunday Confessional: 8/11/13

This makes me a horrible parent, but I canNOT stand crying for what seems to be no reason at all.  It happens the most with babies . You know that time when you have fed the baby, changed them, burped them, cuddled them, and they are still crying? Let's be honest, they aren't even crying, but throwing a wicked fit!  Yeah I don't do well with that.  

I feel like punching a wall.  

Then I feel awful for feeling that way after everything is calm.

True story....

Whoopie Pies

What's not to love about whoopie pies?  Soft chocolate cookies with creamy marshmallow frosting, yes please!  This recipe looks way more complicated than it actually is, so don't be afraid to try it.

FOR CAKES

• 2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup Dutch-process cocoa powder (I'm not going to lie, I have no idea what this is so I used the unsweetened Hershey version.)
• 1 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup well-shaken buttermilk (I never have buttermilk, I used a little over 3/4 cup milk and filled it to the one cup mark with white vinegar to crdle my own milk.)
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, softened
• 1 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 large egg

FOR FILLING

• 1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, softened
• 1 1/4 cups confectioners sugar
• 1 cup marshmallow cream such as Marshmallow Fluff
• 1 teaspoon vanilla

MAKE CAKES:

• Preheat oven to 350ºF.
• Whisk together flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt in a bowl until combined. Stir together buttermilk and vanilla in a small bowl.
• Beat together butter and brown sugar in a large bowl with an electric mixer at medium-high speed until pale and fluffy, about 3 minutes in a standing mixer or 5 minutes with a handheld, then add egg, beating until combined well. Reduce speed to low and alternately mix in flour mixture and buttermilk in batches, beginning and ending with flour, scraping down side of bowl occasionally, and mixing until smooth.
• Spoon 1/4-cup mounds of batter about 2 inches apart onto 2 buttered large baking sheets. Bake in upper and lower thirds of oven, switching position of sheets halfway through baking, until tops are puffed and cakes spring back when touched, 11 to 13 minutes. Transfer with a metal spatula to a rack to cool completely.

MAKE FILLING:

• Beat together butter, confectioners sugar, marshmallow, and vanilla in a bowl with electric mixer at medium speed until smooth, about 3 minutes.

ASSEMBLE PIES:

• Spread a rounded tablespoon filling on flat sides of half of cakes and top with remaining cakes.

COOK'S NOTES:

• Cakes can be made 3 days ahead and kept, layered between sheets of wax paper, in an airtight container at room temperature.
• Filling can be made 4 hours ahead and kept, covered, at room temperature.

Original recipe from: http://www.gourmet.com/recipes/2000s/2003/01/whoopiepies

Mom Code Monday: Compassion in Illness

Normally I try to find the humor in parenting and that's what Mom Code is about, but this is not a fun Mom Code.

Mom Code states that when you encounter another mom/dad with a sick child, you support them any way you know how.  You pray to whatever being you  pray to, you send good thoughts, you send good vibes, you give encouraging words, you do whatever you believe in that will help that little being feel better and have the best outcome.  When someone's child is sick or hurt, you put all of your differences and judging aside and you do what you can for them.  There is nothing easy about being in a situation where you cannot make your child feel better and have to rely on medicine and faith to allow for a good outcome.  You need to be willing to help the parent feel better about the situation.

Other ways you can help (these mostly apply to longer term issues, but of course you can do this for any time something comes up):

-Provide a lending ear and lots of understanding on your part.  
-Provide a meal.   
-Provide a service such as mowing, shoveling, doing the laundry, caring for pets, anything that you think may cause more stress or worry.
-Provide financially if applicable.
-Provide child care if there are other children in the family.
-Visits in the hospital if the establishment allows and the family consents.
-Offer to be a companion to ride along if the hospital is far away, just for company.
-Just be willing to be there for the person and willing to do anything they may need. 

Sunday Confessional: 8/4/13

I must confess that every time I am able to accomplish something as a mom I feel like a million bucks.  

Giving birth with no pain meds, "I am woman, hear me roar!"  

Mowing the lawn with two small children, in the hot sun nonetheless, winning!

Making a meal, doing the dishes, and tending to the kids, I got that!

Sustaining my baby solely for five and a half months, oh yeah!  

You only wish you were as cool as me.    ;)

Tomato-Basil-Cheddar Soup

Since I've been lucky enough to stay home with my kids, I've been making more of an effort to make meals for my family every night (or close), and meals that are healthy.  I detest the fact that there is high fructose corn syrup in everything.  I discovered that there was high fructose corn syrup in Campbell's tomato soup and have since quit using it.  That was a good six or more months ago, so I've been looking for solutions of tasty tomato soup options ever since.

Ingredients:
2 28 oz. cans of diced tomatoes
1 yellow onion, chopped (Like always, I don't eat onions so I used a good dusting of onion powder instead)
2 cloves of garlic, chopped
1 tsp olive oil
2 cups vegetable broth (I didn't even attempt to look for this in the store because I knew I wouldn't use it if I had leftovers.  Instead I used 2 cups of chicken stock.)
1 cup of plain Greek yogurt
1 cup cheddar cheese, grated
1/2 cup basil, chopped, loosely packed
2 tsp of oregano
1 tsp sugar
salt and pepper to taste

Directions:
Over medium heat, add the olive oil to a large pot. Add the chopped onion and allow to cook until tender, about three to four minutes. (Because I didn't do the onion, I threw in the garlic and onion powder together and cooked for the garlic amount of time.) Add in chopped garlic and cook for an additional two minutes. Pour in the two cans of tomatoes (juice and all) and the vegetable stock. Stir in the basil, oregano, sugar, and salt and pepper. Place the lid back onto the pot and allow to simmer ten minutes. At the end, stir in the Greek yogurt and cheddar cheese until well blended. Use either an immersion blender or food processor to puree the soup if you prefer a smooth texture. Garnish with chopped basil and grated cheddar cheese if desired.

I'm not sure if it was the fact that my half cup of basil was not loosely packed or what, but when my husband taste tested this the first time, he said it wasn't super flavorful.  After following the directions and ingredient list above, I added more salt, pepper, oregano, and dried basil to make it more flavorful.  Pair this soup with homemade bread and some mozzarella cheese grilled up grilled cheese style, and yum!  Excellent alternative to store bought soup and it wasn't even hard to make.

Recipe originally from: http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/member/views/TOMATO-BASIL-AND-CHEDDAR-SOUP-51326821